Newsletter #71, by Denise (Peru) (16 December 2013)

Samarpan Online Group Meditation Newsletter

TOPIC FOR THE WEEK –Experiences from the international Retreat #4, by Denise (Peru).

Towards the end of 2008 I took part in the International Retreat at the Ashram in Dandi, where I met lovely sadhaks from all over the world, and where the seed of spirituality was planted in me. The experience was lovely, elevating, life changing and full love, so I left with the pure wish of returning and spending a longer period of time at the Ashram – I strongly desired to feel more of that pure love and compassion which had always been missing from my life, and which I had finally found through Gurudev. The year that followed was not an easy one; there were many changes and struggles in my life, but throughout it all, I knew that Swamiji was there. My faith and my ‘samarpan’ were still not 100%, but I strongly desired that one day I would have full faith and complete samarpan (Surrender). I understood that after a whole life of thinking that I was alone in life, faith and samarpan would arrive slowly, very slowly. I was still confused as to where my life was going, so in 2009 I applied to attend the International Retreat once again and this time round I would stay for longer and nurture my soul. There was nothing I desired more in life than to obtain balance, be close to the Guru Energies once again, and get rid of ‘my’ lack of clarity. At this point I knew that I had to spend more time at the Ashram to achieve a better state, I knew this was it. Deep down I knew that I would finally be ok. ‘It might take time, but it will come’, I thought to myself.

So after the International Retreat in 2009 I stayed for many more weeks at the Ashram, and my experience is one of deep gratitude. Gratitude to Guruji for the immense sacrifices He has done and continuously does for us. Gratitude for being there. Gratitude for all the beautiful changes that were taking place in me. Gratitude for my new Indian family and friends at the Ashram– sadhaks from all over Gujarat and all over India! Gratitude for the amazing sunrises I was witnessing, gratitude that I could finally ‘see’ the beauty of nature, gratitude that I could communicate with insects and animals, gratitude for the fire ceremonies, gratitude to my problems in life – for they had led me to this path, and gratitude for having the chance to do gurukarya at the Ashram. It was extremely satisfying to attend to the needs of visiting sadhaks from outside, whom week after week I would get to know a bit better and who would greet me with such love and affection as if I were part of their own family. Thanks to the patience of sadhaks, I learnt many useful words and phrases in Gujarati and Hindi; but the best thing of all was that even though at times I could not understand what people were talking about, I could understand the vibrations surrounding people and conversations; and when people laughed, I felt like laughing too! It was amazing, and beautiful…

There were many tough moments too, for the spiritual path makes you come face to face with your own faults and also sends you many personal challenges along the way; but when you acknowledge that they are both opportunities for making progress and accept things as they are, the energy around you shifts immediately and you experience your personal progress there and then.

By the time I had to leave the Ashram I felt that Swamiji had taken me through a journey which had completed a cycle, and that it was the right time to go back ‘to the world outside’. I finally had faith and love in my heart, as well as a feeling of satisfaction and samarpan. On my last day at the Ashram Swamiji gave me the best gift ever…a feeling of great satisfaction, contentment, happiness and inner peace. I sat there looking at the sky, smiling at the sky. I witnessed one of the most incredible sunrises at the Ashram: the sun came out very quickly and turned into a great golden ball, releasing golden rays into the sky and creating a vibrant atmosphere all around with pink, turquoise and white colours. The sky – my Gurudev – was telling me: ´´Yes, you too can shine this bright, the way you have been wishing for, and feel as vibrant and alive as this sky is today´´. This made me smile and feel forever grateful to Swamiji. Tingling vibrations were falling upon me, and my sahastrar was opening like a lotus flower wanting to receive divine grace. Swamiji had answered my prayers and was making His presence felt strongly. During my last days at the Ashram I had asked and prayed to Swamiji to stay close to me on my journey and way back to society. I felt that He was doing just that, and that I would finally be ok. I was happy to feel so strong and vibrant, as well as so present, confident and able. I had not felt like this before, and knew that Swamiji was keeping me very present, showing me that it is possible to live in madya nadi (central channel); instead of backwards and forwards like a pendulum between thoughts of the past and worries about the future.

We should therefore show our gratitude to our living Guru by appreciating the gift of spirituality we have acquired, and also by keeping good relations amongst ourselves. Remember that every sadhak has a part of Swamiji in them, so if you think ill or speak badly about other sadhaks, it is Swamiji who suffers. If you come into close contact with Swamiji or His aura, if you are living at the Ashram, stop your thoughts and make an effort to keep the environment free of thought pollution. Let’s make an effort and become ideal sadhaks and make Swamiji happy. This is the best gift we can offer. We are always receiving from Guruji, so let’s give something back. Jai Baba Swami.