Newsletter #58, by Sophia Pilbeam (12 August 2013)

Samarpan Online Group Meditation Newsletter

TOPIC FOR THE WEEK – Dreams and liberation

A while before I was introduced to Samarpan and the meditation technique, by Swami Ji, I had been feeling something subtle within me, which was an excitement like an inner joy. I didn’t understand this as I had just split up with a boyfriend and my mother had recently passed away so there was also a sense of sadness around this time, to be feeling like something joyful and amazing was also happening was a bit odd. (I now know it was my soul) Life was very challenging at the time. I had all sorts of intense emotions and dreams. So here are a couple of the dreams; about six months before meeting Swami Ji in 2004, I had a very powerful dream that I will never forget. I was in a hotel room and decided to go to the bathroom for a shower, when I came back into the room I saw that my mother was a cow and when I looked into the mirror I realised I was a cow too?! I then saw a holy man in long robes who was as small as a maggot. I knew it would eat all the dead rotting flesh in me, so being afraid (Typical) I decided to put him in a glass jar and hold him in suspension until I could trust and understand better, what he was.

Anyway, Six months after this I had another very strong, colourful and powerful dream. It was three nights before, a close friend and I had booked to go on a ‘Samarpan’, three-day retreat at Teckel’s Park in London. I had been practising Vipassna Meditation for the 6 months prior but felt that this wasn’t the path for me, there was a deep knowing inside that something to transform me from the inside out, in a natural way, rather than imposing rules and regulations would be a be a more harmonious way to go. Like a ‘Mother energy’, softly nurturing me along.

Anyway I’m digressing. In the dream I was flying around the world, as you do, and I noticed a big huge tidal wave. I also noticed there was a small man with long white hair and a beard in a field planting very tiny sapling trees. So I swooped down and landed and said to the man, who was foreign (you can do anything in dreams), that he had to move from this place as he was going to get engulfed by this huge tidal wave so we had to leave this place and go to somewhere higher. The man turned to me and looked me in the eye with a peaceful serenity, he didn’t react but carried on planting these very young sapling trees. I shook his arm and pointed in front of me, at the huge tidal wave that was coming towards us and said ‘please, please we have to leave here, we can’t stay here, we will get engulfed by that’, pointing to the mass of very dark swirling 300 foot tall wave. He just looked at me again and very slowly, with complete confidence and power, he said “trust”. I wasn’t really listening to him as I was too afraid that we were going to drown, so again I pointed to the wave, which was getting closer and closer and tugged on his sleeve and said “come on let’s go.”

He just carried on planting small baby trees. In the end I was beseeching him to come with me, there was no question of leaving him, so it looked like we were both going to be drowned. All he could keep saying to me was just trust, just trust! (I had never trusted anyone in my life, my mother left when I was 3, my dad worked and drank allot and put me in the care of 6 aupairs over the course of 2 years and then a step mother who I felt didn’t really like me much, ‘trust’ was an alien word) The tidal wave was upon us and he reached out and held my hand, and you do you know what happened? The tidal wave parted as a doorway appeared to let us through into a huge big ship, this was like an underwater ship, where other people were all together and protected from the huge black swirling mass that was surrounding us. We were protected in there, and as long as we stayed together within the ship the outside mass of swirling dark grey energy, water, could not affect us. When we reached a Himalayan peak we had to lead other people out of the mass of black swirling water and on to higher ground.

Any way back to the last day of the Teckels Park weekend, Swami Ji asked to see us! As he had heard that we were opening a Samarpan group in our hometown?!? I just presumed Sharon had to hold everyone that’s what we will do. She thought I had told everyone??? We recently realised neither of us had! So he was really in charge all along. In the ‘one to one’ that followed amongst other things he blessed me on the top of the head and said he had always been with me and everything that had happened was according to his wish and everything that is going to happen is according to his wish.

When I arrived home from the Teckles Park intro. I realised that Swami Ji was the man in the dream! This was such an overwhelming realisation tears ran down my cheeks. Even though I had this very powerful experience, complete trust is a quality still being developed. What does it feel like? The dreams certainly help. I pray to Swami most fervently that he helps all Sadaks that need to develop trust to really have the confidence to trust and just ‘let go into complete surrender, permanently’.

After Teckels Park, we completed the 45 days and were lucky enough to join some of other Devotees for the celebration of Guru Purnima, in India. This trip was another example of how Swami Ji was really in charge of the whole scene and life was going according to his wish. My friend and I had been saving to go on holiday, for months but couldn’t make up our minds where to go, when we were invited to go to India. So we already had the money saved and the time put aside, so it just flowed from there. We took Guru Diksha and did Aarti, it was all so new to me!

On the last day of Guru Purnima the foreign disciples we were asked to line up and go on the stage and wash Swami’s feet. We were advised to only ask for spiritual progress but before I knew it my mind was asking for enlightenment and trying to take over, another deeper knowing part of me gently resonated the feeling and indicated ‘you know what’s best for me Swami Ji you choose what’s best for me now!’ something within me just let go, there were tears of joy with an immense feeling of coming home. On the last day of Guru Purnima, all 2000 of us were meditating with Swami in the morning and my body just slowly disappeared! In the end I had no sensations in it at all; it was completely dead like a statue. Conscious awareness was still there above the Crown Chackra but that is all. I became scared and slowly all feeling came back into the body. (I realise now that this experience was given to me to show me 2 things, firstly that we are not the body and secondly perhaps that’s what liberation must feel like!)

After three days of intense spiritual joy we were invited to Baba Dham to share lunch with Swami Ji and Guru Ma. On the way to their house I was sharing the ‘Cow dream’ with the Sadak sitting in the car next to me. She stared at me and said that’s amazing! At that point Iin time I hadn’t consciously really understood anything about Samarpan or what Swami had talked about in the three days as it was all in Indian and there were no translators, books or literature in 2004, there wasn’t even a group within 30 or 40 miles of where we lived. I was just overwhelmed and disorientated by the last 3 days experiences, India and the love of all the Indian Sadaks. I just kept my attention on my crown chackra as this seemed to give me an anchor. In fact the only reason why I was on this path was because I had just read a book about Sat Guru’s and that they were the true/real path to follow, as they connected you to the audible life stream/Brahma-nad, leading to liberation. I made wish to hear the audible life stream/Brahma-nad and meet a Sat Guru then and there. The rest just happened very quickly, the 3 day at Teckels Park and then India.

So getting back to the Indian trip…… On reaching Baba Dam we went inside and sat in a large room whilst Swami Ji talked to us, we were able to ask anything we wanted. At one point he narrated the dream I had shared only an hour before in the car (has he bionic Hearing?;) and said that all we had to do was let Swami Ji pick us up like baby calves to be carried to liberation, we didn’t have to do anything he did everything! Looking back at all that I have written it seems strange that at times I had already had strong realisations and feelings of my soul. I guess on the surface it looks like that but again Swami knew what was going on. He asked all those people present in with him in Baba Dham that day, to write to him if they had ever seen him in a meditation. So this then reminded me of 15 years before I started this Samarpan meditation, when I was practising a Buddhist meditation. Focusing my attention in my heart and repeating “Om Mani Padmi Hum”. Whilst I was in this meditative state I had a vision of sliding down a church spire landing with a thud on my base chakra and then a holy man in a in long robe/dress was coming towards me. He blessed me on my crown chakra and he gave me a seed. I was then left to play with rabbits, which are symbols of fear. Incidentally, that Guru Purnima we attended was the Heart chackra. So whilst in the room with Swami he asked all Sadaks who had seen him in meditation in a vision to write an e-mail on their return to their country. So this request, really reminded me of the vision I had had 15 years prior.

We always get given what we need for our spiritual progress at the right time. In fact the timing is impeccable. It all seemed to make sense and flow, from the meditation when I met him in a vision to meeting his physical body, the blessing he gave us, and the following trips to India. In Swami’s garden after we were all sharing lunch together and Guru Ma said to me ‘we are your parents now and this is your home’. This again was an amazing thing to say and really helped heal allot, the feeling of safety was there at last!! There are days of complete trust and surrender and still small moments of my ego being so afraid that the peaceful vibration of GURU ENERGY is blocked from flowing through. I have always had a physical issues to live with but this meditation keeps me balanced but if I am unable to join collectivity, because of these physical issues, I become unbalanced, then forget I am a Soul and not a body and spend a while regaining equilibrium both physically and spiritually. Being in collectivity both physically and at Soul level has saved me from myself on numerous occasions.

With humility and deep reverence and love I thank Swami Ji for this path to liberation and all the grace he has given to us all. There is an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for the collectivity of pure hearted and beautiful Souls at his feet, which when our attention goes to our crown, we are able to connect with and feel a part of.

I hope that we all lead each other further along this golden highway Swami has made for us, holding hands and with our chit on our crowns and with open hearts, towards Liberation, together in collectivity. Lets all pray together that we trust him with our whole lives and beings in every breath we take and that we have the confidence to JUST LET GO, SURRENDER AND LET HIM IN EVERY MOMENT OF LIFE HERE ON EARTH.