Newsletter #40, by Rajni B (31 March 2013)

Samarpan Online Group Meditation Newsletter

TOPIC FOR THE WEEK – MahaShivratri 2013… A Dream come true.

All started with an email from Jaya Aunty (my little fairy)… I received the email at work and read it. She was prompting me to come… Bless her…  As soon as I read the message, everything started moving around me, I felt so dizzy that I had to hold my chair firmly. I then heard a voice (myself?) telling me: “You need to come now, it’s time”

This is when I started dreaming, planning, sorting out things, convincing myself that this time that was perhaps “the call”.

One morning obviously I had to come back on Earth (!!!) and realize that I should think of practical things, really start taking action instead of dreaming! My first issue was money, so while going down the stairs I said to the Boss: “ha ha You want me to come but you see I have no money, how can I go?!” As soon I had said that, the post came and I don’t know why I found myself rushing toward the bunch of letters and searching…  thinking it’s been a long time Tax office didn’t send me a nice cheque (refund of overpaid tax). To my surprise, I found a HM Revenues letter addressed to me, opened it like crazy and found a cheque of £320 or something like that! To me that was it, that was a sign. I remember calling my parents to check whether they could come to look after my son, sending an email requesting 5 days holidays and getting ready all the documents required to get the VISA. Surendra Uncle did everything for me and I even ended up paying much less than the normal fee (without any explanations?!). The ticket I found was really cheap (£395), I just had to bring some money to spend there in India.

Whatever stress or uncertainty I had (regarding VISA, flight ticket or work holidays) were I think necessary as I had to understand the importance of what was happening to me…

All went so quickly, and I was finally arriving at Mumbai airport; there it was simple…everything was planned for me by Surendra Uncle. How fortunate I am to know Surendra! What a gentleman, what a lovely human being, a pure soul!

The first thing I noticed was 3 big crows cawing as soon as I stepped out of the airport. I thought to myself: It’s gonna be a nice trip!

The first person I saw there was Kishore Bhai, what a sweet person! I got the chance to freshen up and have breakfast at his place before taking the train to Navsari. I learnt so much from him and his lovely wife Krupa Ben, the conversation was brief but enriching.

My train journey went very well; some people helped me with the bags and before realizing it I was already in Navsari. Surendra uncle came to pick me up. From this point he took care of everything.

At the bungalow, I joined the UK team and met some lovely German Sadhaks. After a quick shower we were going to the Ashram. Wow I still couldn’t believe it! I was going to the Ashram!

 The Ashram wasn’t like I had thought but as soon as we sat for a video Shibir I had a feeling of déjà vu, as if I had already spent one week there!

I was there only for 5 days but…well what can I say? The 5 days were full of activities, intense,  powerful. It couldn’t have been better than this… As if everything was specially designed for me…

I had the opportunity to experience: the Ashram and the surroundings, early morning meditation, Sunsets, Shibirs, Bhajans, the Aarti, Mahashivratri, Swamiji Live, his Darshan (we were sitting just a few feet away), the Havan ceremony (Yagna) on Shivratri, a visit to the Ashram, Babadham, the main office.

The Collectivity…Meeting people like KishoreBhai and KrupaJi, RamaniJi, Anurag Bhai, Mr and Mrs Solanki… phewww the list is long. Meeting people from JCO and Samarpan family like Wai Ling (a lovely little flower), inspiring Heiki, beautiful Binitha, funny crazy Peter, Angel William Williams, Sweet Soha and of course Guru William. They all had a glowing face.

And needless to say each meeting with Jaya aunty were very touching for me, I reckon we are strongly connected.

There are some people (volunteers) that I didn’t even know, but each time I would see them, there was this connection, this complicity in the eyes, this feeling of sharing something beautiful… beyond words!

MahaShivratri was a huge event, thousands of people came to attend it, but the organization was so good that everything went smoothly, people were all very helpful, sweet, all surrendered. During SwamiJi’s discourse, the Energy was so strong that I would go in deep meditation and each time I would “come back” I would hear SwamiJi giving answers to each of my questions. But the biggest thing for me was the Darshan! I’ve seen Him twice in UK but I was never attached to his physical body. This time as soon as he passed us, it was almost like I instantly understood everything (why the challenges, what I was doing wrong, what I was missing, how fortunate and blessed we were…) what I couldn’t figure out all these days became so clear at this very moment, like a slap on my face. My first reaction was to cry and cry and cry! I had a mix of feeling inside… Love, Gratitude, guilt, pain, everything at the same time! I was releasing everything. Don’t know why but I (my ego) felt a bit scared too, a bit panicky and confused. I did end up with a huge headache and a heavy heart but even this faded out.

After a couple of hours, I started feeling the exact opposite. All the questions like why, what, who, when became meaningless. It was only Bliss, the present moment, the Collectivity, silence and peace inside. For once I guess I was truly surrendered.

I was ready to be pampered, loved, challenged, criticized, told off and this through any mediums (my husband, my family, my friends, my boss, my son… anybody).

My relationship with SwamiJi changed totally; I always took him as “the Guru”, the one in the Subtle picture, the one who give discourses, the one who offered me a new path in my life. This time I really felt him inside. He became my best friend, the one who knows everything about me, every slightest details, my past, my mistakes, my dreams, every thought in my head, and every corner of my passionate heart. Actually he was always with me, silly me I realized it only then. All this time I was taking only one chocolate instead of taking the whole box that was offered to me!

We are truly blessed to have Him in our life.

The last hours in Mumbai were spent at Mr and Mrs Solanki’s place. Lovely time, yummy food, two beautiful souls indeed!

When I came back to UK, the first day was difficult as I felt so disconnected from people here, I just wanted to hide, and everything had a draining effect on me! But the next morning I was in such a state that nothing really bothered me, everything seemed to flow; the pressure, the stress, the heavy atmosphere at work, the cold weather, the exhaustion… nothing could affect me. I could “transport myself” to the Ashram anytime.

I was blessed indeed during this trip, it was short but I got to do everything I wanted to do and even more!

It was intense, powerful, soothing, releasing! I mean in those 5 days I got to experience so much and met so many people (from different countries and cities) that I couldn’t even have dreamt of.

During the flight to Mumbai, someone told me I should be prepared to experience India through my nose (referring to the pollution and odours) but I had decided to experience India through my Heart and I must admit I had no expectations, just a simple plan to experience, absorb as much as I could and find myself… it all happened… like in a dream!

Love

Rajni B