Newsletter #52, by William & Heike (1 July 2013)

Samarpan Online Group Meditation Newsletter

TOPIC FOR THE WEEK – The After-Anushtan Experience

By William (UK) & Heike (Germany) from a JCO Session on 27th Mar 2013

Victoria: Let’s come back to our discussion. Heike, you stayed at the Asham for six months isn’t it?

Heike: I’m sorry, I didn’t get you.

Victoria: You stayed at the Asham for six months, right?

Heike: No, not in the Asham. Last year, I stayed in the Asham for six months. This year, I travelled and the last forty-five days I stayed in the Asham also with William. Together with William, and the other William 🙂

Kate: So William, we’re wondering why, why you feel like an alien? I can imagine in some ways, but having been through what you’ve been through I’m wondering if you feel like sharing any of that?

William: Am, yeah that’s a good question. I don’t know, but probably Heike will be able to relate to this. You really feel detached from everything. I’m kinda surprised I’m feeling still that feeling right now when with everyone here on JCO because I really missed you guys. But even yesterday when on a way back on a bus from airport to home I was listening to the last recorded the session and I was, you know, feeling really proud of you, the way you handling everything and I was kinda looking forwards to today’s session, but i just can’t… get into this for some reasons. So I don’t know why… And even coming back, cause I’ve spend kinda whole week in Lithuania… I even had a chat with my mum that… because we met all the relatives, I was sitting by the table with all my cousins, and you know, people we close to. I just felt I could not connect to any of that anymore, I just, I can’t even get into any of the conversations, cause none of the conversations spirituals stuff you know… And it’s like really, really not feeling a part of any of it and… Yeah, very strange I don’t know, strange feeling till now it is but, yeah, I’m sure it is just for some time, so it’s all good. If we can use word ‘good’ 🙂
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Kate: So do you think some of that has to do with being in silence for 45 days? Like, what was that like?

William: If I could recommend one thing for anyone to do in your spiritual practice, is to go silence for as long as you can. I don’t know, I think someone said that Swamiji mentioned that for you to touch your soul or to experience your soul you need to go in isolation for three days. So, even that I think it should be really good, but being silent for as long as 45 days… I mean that’s, that’s in my experience that was the best thing I could do. It was really deep inner journey, which I can’t even describe right now about. It’s just… you know I was explaining this, when you are speaking, you open up all the doors to the outside. Sometimes you don’t even need to do anything, you just say few words or few sentences and things getting done. But what it does is basically, the more you speak… the speaking opens up all the doors to the outside but it closes the door on the inside. And while don’t speak you have all your time for yourself really. Even when you are around people, you interact with them, but because you don’t speak, you have a lot of time to see things, notice even small details, and these small details, if you start kinda getting into them, they come across as not a small detail at all. It comes across as a really really big thing. And during these 45 days as I was wondering, you know, how many of these details we really miss in a day? While, you know, all the answers you might need in your life lay in these details and we just don’t have time for us to go into these details. So this is why I say, if there is one thing you could do, I don’t know how and where and when, if not to go isolated for some time, try at least go silent for some time. If it’s possible for you, because it’s really is something.

Kate: Did you notice the difference straight after three days? Or did it take you a few, couple of weeks to get into that sense, William?

William: To get into being silent?

Kate: No, into like you know, you said, Swamiji said could be silent for three days, to get in touch with your soul. Do you think three days is enough?

William: Not to be silent, but to be isolated for three days. Meaning you are completely away from everyone for three days, in silence. I think someone… cause on a last day of 45 days before the 10th of March on a 9th of March I went, I asked to be removed from all the duties and I went into… I went away from everyone, for a whole day. Basically I got up like at 3 o’clock at night and when I went to outside, away the Ashram by the lake and when spend a whole day and came back next day at around 1 o’clock at night or something. And someone… Ketki, I think, Ketki from India I think she said that, in one of the, during the discourse on a 10th of March Swamiji did say that we should go to experience our soul for three days into isolation. So, maybe this is where, this is coming from. I have no heard Swamiji saying or writing about this, but someone said that they heard Him saying this on a 10th of March.

Heike: Yes, also Guruma does this, going in isolation, once or twice a year, for around about one week. And did you say William when you not speaking then you are also not open any door for coming going out? I also found this, but also here for example in the mountains… I at the moment I’m alone here at the house and I speak very very less. But also I feel when we are doing things, then, there is every time there is a like inner dialogue we go through. So it is not every time to speak outside, but we also speak in the inside and also sometimes we have to pay attention to also stop this conversation in the inside.

William: Correct.

Heike: And we do this very much in meditation, but during the day we can train us to be alert for things and absorb us very very strictly. I had in… during Anushtan I was wearing sometimes the MON scarf (way to show others that you want to remain in silence. Note by editor) And did not talk and sometimes I wasn’t able to and so I couldn’t wear the MON scarf. But then I also, I asked Swamiji about this not speaking or stay… stay in the inside. Because this… not to speak has… one… I don’t know the English word… one, like one destination, this is to stay at the inside of us, don’t go out. And I asked Swami, mentally, to how can we stay inside, also we are talking to people or so when we see things and by seeing into the eyes of other people, then our chit automatically goes outside and not stay inside. And the answer was something like – when you are in… when you are doing something or when you have to speak, so it is like a like a… bondage you have to do from the outside to the inside. And you can handle this… bondage… ‘bondage’ is it right? It’s like a coultrug, coultrug string. And when you go outside then the other end of this coultrugs string goes inside. So, you… you are able to stay inside also you are in the outside. And… also the answer was that it’s very very difficult if you… be with your eyes in the outside. So what happens, very many sense they are looking, you think they are looking at you. But actually they are looking every time at the Sahastra Chackra. And sometimes you see.. you feel Swamiji is looking outside but if you look very miniatures at Him you can see that He is not really looking outside, He is every time looking inside. And you also can train to when we look outside to get our, our inner eyes looking at our Sahastra Chackra. And this make us to stay inside…

William: You know, to add to this point, I’m happy you said that, is that… to keep your attention on Sahastra Chackra and maybe to stay connected to that Energy… to the Swamiji… to what, whatever we are doing here… during all these 45 days and I know Heike you did it as well, you might have said it all the way ‘I’m a pure soul I’m a holy soul’…

Heike: Yes I did

William (continue)… I personally did mantra chanting all the time. So, every time you are quiet, you do get these inner conversations going on and… the best way to keep control of them, I found was the mantra chanting all the way. So, even when you speak to someone, it became such a habit right now, is that, when I speak to someone, in between… when I don’t speak someone else is speaking something, I… the mantra keeps going in my mind. So meaning, it’s just somehow, protects me from thinking, especially for when I feel something like… maybe sometimes negative coming up, so I just keep the mantra chanting lauder, and everything else goes away. And this is how you stay connected. And what I realized as well when I came back, when I was walking back home, I don’t look into people faces right now. So, if there is something like a tip maybe which I could maybe share which helps me to stay inwards more instead of going outwards is that I do not look at up people faces anymore, because I found it every time I look at people face, especially eyes, that just kind of really pulls me outwards. It’s something in people faces that pulls you really out. And so that would be one thing and one other is would be mantra chanting all the time in your mind. I mean if you can try that, you’ll definitely experience something powerful about it.

Heike: I also did during Anushtan, I chanted the mantra ‘I’m a pure holy soul’ and also the Guru mantra continuously. And then I did not chant anymore, but I heard it, I heard it whole day. It was coming from within. And so now I’m here in Germany since 14th of March and the last days I thought I have lost it, I did not know when I was losing it, but now the mantra chanting is not coming from within anymore, without efforts. So maybe I have to chant this again so I will… I will find it, let it comes again. And this is your experience is that you also here is society, the mantra is coming from within all the time in here?

William: Yea, it just became as a… as a sound track or something, keep playing in the background.

Heike: Sound track? I aha..

William: It’s always there… it’s always always there, even now when I’m quiet, it just is there.

Heike: it is comes from within, without your efforts of chanting it…

William: In fact I realize its coming much easier then it was coming in the Ashram, because in the Ashram I was really pushing for it and trying different ways and techniques and everything just to keep get this into a habit.

Heike: Yea

William: But as soon as everything was over, I let things go, and now when I’m back, it just keeps going and I feel it’s really protecting me from everything what’s going out on outside.

Heike: That’s great.

William: Yea, I don’t know for how long, because I know the society is gonna pull me back in at some point, but right now it’s been more than a week, still, still stronger than ever, really.

Heike: Yea. But also, I was in a last three four days I did not come in to a good meditative state. I was sleeping too long, I was, I was not able to come out of bed and these are things that really make me feeling not good for starting the morning, yeah. But then I heard it very very clearly every time “don’t pay attention to this.” When you, when you was not able to wake up, so just stay satisfied with this, what you have. Don’t expect things like I have to stand up at 3 or 4 o’clock and I have to get into good meditative state. Trust, be satisfied. This is what… what is… this is the only thing you need. And then it was today, I was really really happy, because I had… I read newspaper from my region here and there was some phrases from Osho. And these phrases Osho told was exactly what Swamiji told in during Anusthan, and it was very very nice. It was nothing special, it was only to.. see the little things in life and be very satisfied about this. Every other things will come automatically. You will get good meditative state automatically if you feel satisfied, if you feel light and, and enjoy living. So and this makes me very happy again. And I think this now automatically meditative state will be… will be good, again.

Victoria: Wow, thank you, thank you both for sharing it and…. what I can say, while you both were talking, speaking with us, I really felt, personally, really strong energy. I nearly was in a meditative state and it was quite, it’s not like difficult, but just to…. came, came out of this state, so I can imagine that you really absorbed strong Energies there and that’s why everything now seems with you… for you like a bit strange, as you say William you feel like an alien… because everything and everyone is running like squirrels in a round wheel, you know. And it’s missing all those … probably the most important things in life – the small details, which we think they are not important while they are very important. Well, anyway, thank you, thank you for the… for your thoughts and sharing you did. Thank you.

William: Yea, I’m sure it’s… a lot of things been happening in a… during these 45 days everywhere in a world, for those who have been connected to that Energy. I’m sure each of you could write a book about these 45 days, something tells me… And just to let you know guys how much we are all connected is that… I was listening to the last session recording, Victoria I think you mentioned, you know, when reading that message which was written in the Ashram, which you used as a newsletter, you felt like in a bubble.

Victoria: Aha

William: I don’t know what was it about these 45 days in the Ashram, there was a lot of writing happening really and… at some point I was speaking about… in a paper about the Universe as a space and energies, like different energies, like positive or negative energies created by people thoughts. And if you imagine that empty space, and there is like an energy in that space, which the space is actually the energy, you know… It’s like you cannot see it, you cannot… you can only experience it. But in that energy there are different energies, like a positive, negative, love, hate and, you know… spiritual energies. This is how I understand this thing, and at some point I was kinda trying to find ways to describe it all and I was using a word like a bubble. And, you know, if we with our minds attracting like a positive energy, like which is full of love and you entering in that bubble of ‘full of love’, and there are many people in that bubble…. collectivity… a stronger… the more people there is in there, the stronger… the bigger the bubble is and the stronger that energy will be. Same with the negative – if you enter in some negative and you might find it’s really strong energy, it will be difficult for you to get out, just because there are many, you know, big collectivity in that energy. And when I heard that you Victoria mentioned as well a word ‘bubble’, I was really kinda, in a way, surprised and for me it just tells me how big the connection is that… what we think, what we see, what we feel we use same kinda words, probably because they are exposed in the same energy. We are in a same energy bubble and we are all connected. Heike I’m sure you could tell more stories about these… how in the Ashram, you don’t… especially when you don’t speak, you don’t even need to speak sometimes. You just think of something and things, you know, happening. You need something like a pen and you come back to your bed and there is a pen on your bed. You just think how is that possible?

Heike: Yea, this is… this is also in the other world, also in the society. But through the daily living we are in, we’re not so aware of this. So… but in Ashram it is very miniatures. You think of somebody and this person 15 seconds later, this person is coming to you. You have thought and exactly the person who was coming tells the same thing. So we have this also in the outside. And also I’m very astonished every time of when I think of somebody, then this person is calling or send an email. And so we can… we can see what are… what thoughts are doing. And that we have really very big responsibility of what we are thinking. And about our thoughts.

William: Yea…

Heike: So it is good to be very disciplined in our thoughts and our behavior and it’s really really nice to do this and… it’s like adventure, big adventure. And William you, you told about this bubble and I had… had not very many deep deep experiences, but 4-5 very deep experiences have had happened during Anushtan with me. And one experience was at the beginning in the meditation hall. And it was like I felt like a seed and this seed was opening from Sahastrah to Mulandhar chakra. And it opened very slowly and then I could feel there was wind blowing through my heart, so my body was no existing anymore. And then as this seed totally opened I felt that some… some energies told to leave this body for a moment. And they put me like in a bubble. And I also felt that, as the Mulandhar chakra it was… the root chakra, it was kind of difficult to get out of the root chakra. But then they sat me in like kind of a bubble and this bubble went up, and there was first… it was a kind of feeling… and it was a feeling that there are no emotions anymore. That there was a space when no… no dualism was there. There were no good no bad, no positive energy, no negative energies… there were… it was like nothing and there was no… no happiness and no worryness . And this kind of atmosphere in the beginning it really shocked me a little, because I felt like, oh what can I do? what is the sense of being like that ? And then after a while I felt that this state is the state when we… this is our… our… I don’t know the English word, our very first first state when we were only souls without no bodies. This was our consciousness, it was pure consciousness. So, there was no dualism and it felt that when we are… when we will not take other birth anymore this will be our home of consciousness. After a while it felt good because, you felt that all the emotional things are useless, in the end they are useless and nothing… only maya, only illusions. And then they told me ‘open your eyes, then you can see the people who are sitting at the earth and meditate’, but I wasn’t able to open eyes. I could feel that I was at the roof from the tent, but I wasn’t able to open my chit, Chita’s eyes. And when meditation was nearly finished they say to go back to… we have to go back to your body now, but I did not felt like to go back to this body, but in the end I went back and then… then I felt little hurting of my legs or back pains and I also realised that there were thoughts again. But it was a very, very nice experience to see what is this only consciousness, when we are able to go beyond all these dualisms of good and bad, and all this stuff.

Victoria: It’s really, oh guys, I’m…. I even don’t know what to say. It’s, it’s …yours experiences you tell, tells everything… It’s not even when you talking, but in energy wise, it’s so deep and so strong I’m, I’m’ I’m telling you, something… it’s, I don’t know… I just… thank you and Jai Baba Swami for that and actually… the time just fly, of course, and then probably in this mood where we are now, and then this energy bubble we are all together in, I would suggest we start our meditation now…